Do You Have A Raining Cloud Overhead – Depression

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Let’s talk depression !
I don’t know what it is . I don’t know even if its real , normal , something as simple as flu. Hell, I don’t even know if there’s a word or if even it is what they say it is.
There’s been someone with me all through these years . I have lost count how many years. A dark cloud hanging over my head. I say a dark cloud because I have a faint memory from a childhood cartoon show about dragons. They had a similar black cloud over a dragon who would become sad for no reason . And the cloud would rain continuously, accompanying him wherever he went , like a shadow. It’s not that the dragon would always be sad. He would laugh , but then that would be a short  escape from the cloud. It would lessen the cloud for a day or 2 but it always hung there, over his head raining. Incidentally I don’t remember how to make the cloud vanish.
So lemme just call it the cloud. Don’t ask me the why , the how , the details of the event for there’s none. For some days I am doing just fine, playing, reading, talking .  But when the night befalls. its not a happy place to be. There have been spells of sleeplessness till the rising sun and there have been bouts of sleepiness till the overhead sun. But there isn’t one, one dreamless night. One night without nightmares is all I seek !
Have you looked at people and wondered how beautifully day in and day out they perform their chores, they have fixed set of expression and near constant feeling for weeks on end. And I vouch for that ! Running away from the deep hollow zone into which my heart sinks at times, where I have to wake it or plead that it might as well just rip off through my chest.
That’s how the cloud looks like . And it rains , oh , it rains so much . On bedside pillows, on the cuffs of the sweater, behind a book or deep in the darkness. It rains , but somehow I have found a subtle relief in those rains . They put me asleep.
I don’t have voices of assurance to give, for I don’t know the Why and the How but I just know a place . A zone of nothingness, which returns n the cloud does n so do the rains. 🎈👣
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#ambikawrites #iwontgivein #depression #oldschoolbastard #mentalhealthawareness #itsoktotalk

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Sree lekha says:

    “A zone of nothingness, which returns n the cloud does n so do the rains” sums it up. It’s been a while I read something that I could relate to at a very personal level. Very well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. meforearth says:

      Thank you so much for speaking up

      Like

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