Why I Love My Scars – My Refusal To Move On

Since the time I have known why a man is a man and a woman a woman and that’s practically never , I have been told, we all have been told to forget the past and move on. From the bad scores at school where your mom used to say,”No worries beta, forget it and next time do well” to the screwed relationship we have had , where even if you are not suffering from the breakup syndrome any Tom, Dick and Harry would pat your back saying,”leave it man, bhool jaa and MOVE ON”. Its the same story everywhere all the time. 

Since the time I was a kid I had this amazing fascination with wounds. Not that I was a sadist but somehow they made me feel brave and proud. A brawl there, a fight here, a scratch there and stitch here … It all hurt so bad and the blood was horrible but the scars … Oh the scars ! How much I loved them! Its weird but its me. Subtle, vivid reminders of the pain that I had felt but more importantly ENDURED and SURVIVED. Reminders of the putting up a fight even in situations where I had a chance to escape. Reminders of holding on… of hanging on … of not leaving the ground even when it was ruthless and brutal to me. 

Its still the same. I still see the scars on my body with the same delight and awe. I still love them. I still treasure them. And my fascination with scars has only grown… from my body to my heart , to my mind , to soul. I have had my heart wounded and battered since the time didn’t even know that we have a heart. From my near ones to my elders they made sure it turned dark, trampled and fearful. From the first man that I looked upto and the first man that I fell in love with the nature, the circumstances, the destiny made sure that I was betrayed all the time, that I was crushed and humiliated further and that I would have a past that would want me to hide that part of my life in a closed suitcase. But I choose to differ from the expected consequences of the circumstances and events. So I choose to keep my wounds fresh, exposed and not hidden in the bandage of ignorance and oblivion.I choose not to forget them because they are my gems of wisdom that have made me wise. My tests that have nurtured my intellect and built my character. My lessons that have been bestowed by the guru called life and I don’t forget my lessons.

I choose this because I have never seen a lion cover his wounds. They are there… open, unkempt , exposed , vulnerable … and yet the nature heals them in its own ways , by its own magic and LEAVES BEHIND THE SCAR. So to all those who think that I am exposed because they saw my wounds, that i am weak because I bleed , that I am defeated because you injured me … sorry to say but I will have a proof of my bravery once these wounds heal … MY SCAR … and what shall you have to prove your oppression and power ??? NOTHING 

And yet I am not writing this for myself. This is for every heart that has been broken, every soul that has been burnt, every eye that has shed a million tears . My pain may be nothing as compared to yours , but my words are as as true as you all would want me to be. Don’t move on ! Don’t forget what happened , don’t throw away that memory of that heartache, that betrayal that exploitation away. Dive right into that sea . Find your pearls of wisdom and then treasure them forever.

Don’t hide your wounds, don’t be ashamed of the wrongs that happened to you, neither of the mistakes you did , nor of the times you were hit… Let the wounds lay open , let the nature work its magic and LET YOUR SCARS SHINE !!!

-Athena/Ambika

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